Saturday 2nd July 2016.
“Never sit with your back to a green curtain. It always turns out badly.” (Phillip Marlowe)
Well I ain’t nursing no grievous results of a billy club sapping, but I ain’t doing somersaults either. I don’t know who pulled them and when but those green curtains had my back alright, somewhere down the dreary trudge to Sai Nivas (esteemed Sri Lankan thali joint). Unless it was long overdue payback – them nicotine tinctured green drapes in Aunty Splat’s front parlour. You got me good, Aunty Splat!
12.20pm and nothing doing. Mr Nivas, I’m banging on your glass frontage, but you’re making like a mausoleum. Plain as day: open 12pm till 3pm. Not the faintest excuse me. Dumb as an abandoned doll’s house. We’re just dry tinder matchstick people to you, Nivas! Not cute enough to cut it as plaything dollies, huh?!
Thank Splat’s drapes for the International Chinese Barbers and Nail Salon. With Shear Illusionz out of business I was scratching my bonce for a barnet scalp. £3.50 number one cut all over. Takeaway clippings, another 50p. That’s right, Nivas, that was my bush of shorn locks tumbling through your letterbox!
Judge ‘Gonzo’ Pickles
Fred ‘Skippy’ Pickles