Introducing Judge ‘Gonzo’ Pickles, phantom curry fiend of Old Sheffield Town. Humble public servant and midnight raspberry-blower, at your service.
Capsaicin hallucinations in the kitchen vapours once again spark the chilli-twisted urges of a ravening spicehead. Housekeeper diverted by the parlour port bottle, Pickles bolts. Brown Betty stews amongst the abandoned dinner things.
From the gate of his Victorian home, Pickles doffs his trilby. The female figure at the bay front window wildly gestures the universal sign language for ‘madman’ and ‘I’m going to wring your neck’. Then, more obscurely, ‘My beef skirt and dumplings!’, heedlessly scattering last drops of port wine over a dozing siamese.
The restaurant rating is calculated from the collective total scores submitted by attendees from the following categories (scored 0 – 10): Pickle tray; Starter; Main; Bread; Drinks; Toilets; Service; Ambience; Value.
The restaurant rating that appears in the blog headline is the overall percentage total of the combined results with a 50% down-weighting applied to ‘Drinks’, ‘Toilets’ and ‘Ambience’ (these areas deemed slightly less essential to the curry-daft gourmand), and a 100% up-weighting applied to ‘Starter’ and ‘Main’ – after all, the scran’s the bizo (as Scotch Harry used to say).
Additional to the restaurant rating, the total percentage score for each of the above categories will be recorded at the bottom of each blog.
NB1: An additional rating point is available to restaurants offering gulab jamun on their dessert menu. Soft, milky balls please – soaked in rose syrupy gouts!
NB2: ‘Onion Bhaji’ is a unique category – a sub-set of ‘Starter’ designed to single out a staple favourite for independent comparison.
NB3: A restaurant cannot be reviewed and rated again until at least one year after the current review’s publication date. On Pickles’ Parade, the latest review and rating will replace all historic ones. Historic reviews will be referenced with a link.